The Dragon’s Breath #17

04 June 2003

The Reality of Realism

By James Bell

I’ve often seen postings on message boards chiding D&D campaigns for being too "high fantasy" without enough "realism." I respect the fact that some people want a "gritty" combat system in which any attack could be fatal, but I prefer the "cinematic" adventures in which the heroes are larger than life. Why? Because I play to escape reality, not to experience different forms of stress! And, with that in mind, here are my slightly cynical, tongue-in-cheek methods of adding realism to your D&D campaign.

Have your characters get fired. Why is it that my paladin never loses his job? In fact, looking at his treasure, I quickly notice that the coin he’s got in his pockets is about a billion times more than the average commoner earns per month. If you want to add reality, have them work for a living. Pay them in the occasional copper and have the quest for their next piece of fresh fruit be their adventure!

Or, if having characters lose their source of income is a little too much reality, just give them the fear of unemployment. Don’t forget the overbearing boss who, while lacking talent and skill, still manages to outrank a character and somehow evade the wrath of upper management. "I can’t believe that I’m still a lowly acolyte, while Wayne’s the high cleric of Solorien and he can’t even do a proper sun sign!!"

Give ’em a cold. My PC has never been sick, other than suffering from some rare rotting disease brought on by contact with a nasty mummy. Have your PCs feel like utter crap for a day — for no reason, or just because the weather has been a tad on the nasty side. In fact, give them hay fever, so that they break into a runny-eyed sneeze whenever they’re outside (or encountering elves). Make ’em allergic to horses and see how heroic they are walking back from the dungeon.

Accidental pregnancy. There’s a dose of reality. Or even a planned pregnancy. The adventure will consist of finding the location of rare and unusual food combinations. Phoenix feathers and ice cream? Sphinx burgers? Dwarf dust? You either crave it, or you’ve got to find it for the one who does! And believe me, sometimes you’ll be happy just to have an excuse to leave the stronghold!

Sleepless children, of course, are the next step. You think elves are the only ones who can function without sleep? Think again! Sure, you’ll never be able to prepare your spells, but you’d be amazed how little sleep you actually need in order to keep (barely) functioning. Have your players roll 1d20. That’s how many minutes they get before being woken up again. Rinse. Lather. Repeat.

Why isn’t the ranger worried about the lease on his horse? Or the rising cost of wagon insurance? You know, if the town guard catches the ranger driving that thing home after leaving the tavern late one night, he’ll be forced to ride on the party’s pack mule for the rest of the campaign. Or worse, he’ll discover the limits of the local public transportation.

Reassign deadlines. When the head druid of The Path shows up to inform the characters that the horrific Night of Demons is actually taking place tomorrow instead of three weeks from now, like originally planned, see how fast the PCs can scramble to gain the lost Artifact of the Shadow King to stop the madness. That’ll require some "out-of-the-box" thinking, my friend!

These suggestions are over-the-top (and a little more bitter than I thought), but they certainly illustrate my take on putting extra doses of "reality" in my game. Hey, I’m happy that a single sword thrust won’t kill my 15th-level ranger! He’s got a dragon to slay, and I’ve got enough trouble in real life dealing with 500 video stores who didn’t get their copy of The Hot Chick on time. For crying out loud, people, take a copy of Deuce Bigalow and come back in two days!

I’ve got enough reality in my reality, thank you. Give me a little far-fetched fantasy to my escapism. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a princess to rescue before the High Priest reads this month’s financial report.

Next Week: The Dragon’s Breath will be taking a one-week hiatus as life at the FDP offices these days is pretty crazy. We’ll reload with another run of engaging and wickedly erudite articles and be back on the 18th. Now, about that paladin who’s always late for work ....

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